Life is full of valleys and mountains, time for the valley

I've been laying in my bed for hours just thinking and praying and still I am tossing and turning. I'm a leader of a semi-successful LS on Leviathan server and I feel like I'm in love with someone. Normally this would be a good thing but don't judge a book by it's cover.

As for the LS, we killed Kirin today, and normally thats a good thing. The bad thing was people were at each other's throats. There were two mini fights, and one major between me and a co-leader. I honestly feel like I can't take this anymore, I love being a leader when things are good, but they haven't been good for about a week, and I know it's only been a week but with my other things in my life it just seems to keep going down for me. People have been negative about different things, and for the last month or so it seems people are questioning every decision I make. I tmakes me feel like, why should I lead when the followers question the direction. Also, why should I want to be around when it seems no one trust me.

For the girl I love, well it's one thing to love someone, it's another thing for them to love you back. The latter won't happen so where do I go. I can cry for a few minutes. I can question my self value. I can try to make the best of it. Right now though, I can barely look in the mirror. I keep wondering what is so wrong with me. "I come on too strong, I'm too emotional." Thats what I've been told. What I'm tired of hearing is, "You're not my type." I hear it all the time. It's too general. It's another way of saying I don't want you but trying to be nice. I just hope she finds happiness and I hope it works for her but I guess this is been the answer to my prays that her and I aren't meant to be, but it just hurts so much.

What these next couple of weeks have for me I don't know. I might be LSless and minus a few friends by then. I just trying to figure out if thats what I want. I care about her and my friends in my LS but I think the LS will continue to make me and my friends fight. I also just can't deal with the stress of running the LS and school and failed love. I'm trying to be superman and I feel like I'm surrounded by kryptonite. I guess in a week or two I'll update how life is going, till then just hope I can live and breath and enjoy life.